The Hiding Game.

Posted: May 30, 2010 in God, Life, Poems, thoughts

So ever since this past week sometime, I’ve had quite a lot of things running through my mind. So I wrote it down, in poem form. I’ve been feeling pressured by so many people recently to be something or someone I’m not. “Picture Perfect”, if you will. It’s funny to me though, all these people that expect me to appear to have it all together, are from the church. God never expects us to have it all together, so why do they? I have to appear happy and outgoing, for that’s the version of me that’s most appealing to them. I’m apparently “set free”, or so a few people have told me. No disrespect to those people but, the struggles I face, are a lot more than a spiritual thing. Any ways, I got off on a tangent lol

I see the look in your eyes,
That concerned look whenever I pass by.
It’s fine. Don’t worry ’bout me.
Not interested in your sympathy,
And I’ll march, with my head held high
You don’t realize I’m a mess on the inside.

I gotta be this, I gotta be that.
You’re standards you hold me to are so full of crap.
I’m not perfect and I never will be,
If you think I should be, get in check with reality.

Buckling under pressure, I gotta turn my smiles on.
Singing “Hallelujah, oh I’m so happy God”
This mask I wear for you all, is wearing thin,
Only a matter of time, until you see the beast within.

“Oh Hallelujah, happy day, now you’re free!”
I’m starting to wonder if you guys even know me.
You drop the word love, yet when I need to talk
You tell me go talk to God above.

Yet when I look down,  you say I should open up,
Tell me why you? You don’t care enough.
Tell me that you’re prayin, you barely know my name.
It’d be like telling a wall all my sins and pain.

So I’ll continue, giving you the show you want to see.
Acting picture perfect, for those who don’t really care about me.
Put my suffering to the side to please your needs.
I’m only Jessica, who cares about me?


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