The Silent Scream.

Posted: December 14, 2009 in Uncategorized

I want to get back on the topic of cutting and self injury for this blog entry. It was the topic that got me motivated to start this blog and I seemed to break away from that in the past few entries. It’s a hard, challenging and depressing topic to discuss yes I know; but I believeĀ  it’s my “fight” God placed in my life to battle and I believe it all starts with having that honest conversation.

I remember in 10th grade health class the topic of cutting came up. We were all handed a pamphlet for a meeting they were having on the topic. It said on the cover “Cutting: The Silent Scream”. For some reason that angered me. I ripped up the paper and threw it away. My teacher said that the cutter wants attention so they cut themselves to gain that. The people in their lives see the scars and wounds and they become concerned, thus getting the attention they had been craving.

I almost walked out of class that day. He was making it sound like the cutter was nothing but an attention seeker. That they wanted nothing out of it except to parade their pain and torment around like it was something that wasn’t harmful.

My teacher was wrong, but that pamphlet was right.
Cutting is the scream without noise.
But it’s not just the scars and cuts. It’s their attitude, outlook on life, their silence, their hopelessness and desperation.

The cutter sends out so many signs and calls for help to those closest to them. Depending on how close they are to a certain someone, they start wearing clothes that no longer conceal their cuts and scars. The wrist bands start to come off, the t-shirts come back as do the shorts or capris.

It’s not just the clothes though. Sometimes it’s actually sitting down and telling someone about what they are doing. It’s probably the biggest step of boldness one can take. Confiding in someone about it, having in the back of your head the whole time that they are going to push you away for being a freak after you’re done spilling your guts.

The silence that radiates from them, is not silence. It’s a cry for help. Their “I’m fine” they speak of is code for “Please call out my lying and just be here for me. Help me and love me for me and all of this. Please”.

I wrote this before in my first entry but I really want to stress that if you see someone having a tough time, ask them how they’re really doing. It may be tough but I encourage you to not settle for the “I’m ok” answer. They need to know someone out there loves them and is here for them.

  1. Sara Wood says:


    This blog is AMAZING. Every time I read your entries I get chills because I can just feel how much God is speaking through you. It’s awesome. I don’t think you know this, but I too have struggled with SI and hearing how passionate you are about helping others makes me so excited for you. I don’t think there is any better way to recover than to take your pain and use it for the glory of God. My struggle was more focused on clinical depression and being suicidal, but SI was mixed in there too unfortunately. But my point in telling you all this is that I’m doing SOOOO much better now. Through the help of God and amazing people God placed in my life I really feel like I’m at a place where I can share my story and not worry about slipping back into an unheatlhy place if ya know what I mean. Your blogs are AMAZING, they are so real and honest and display incredible insight. I know that things aren’t going exactly how you want them to right now, but I think that sometimes God shakes our lives up a little so that we are forced to rely on him and trust his plan. I feel like I’m kinda in a similar place at the moment because even though I’m at college pursuing my degree and heading on a specific path I can’t help but wonder if I’m in the right place and why things are happening the way they are. And I think the most important thing I’ve learned throughout all this is that God is faithful, no matter what. So even if I don’t understand I’m just going to keep moving forward and believe that God has it all under control. God is so taking care of you Jess and he totally has you right where he wants you. He is working in your life and using your life to impact others, your blog makes that so evident. So don’t give up when things get hard because God is NEVER going to give up on you. I hope you continue to keep writing and pursuing your hopes and dreams, God is totally using you and anything you hear that says he isn’t is just a lie from the enemy. I’ll be praying for guidance and direction and strength for you. I know that God has AMAZING plans for your life, and I can’t wait to see where things go from here.


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