Therapy 101.

Posted: December 12, 2009 in Uncategorized

I’ve been waiting what seems like an eternity to go see a counselor. I told my parents I was dealing with some things that I wished to go talk to somebody about. My job finally offered me the insurance that I needed so I could start going to receive help.

But none of any of that matters now. Found out a little less than a month ago I didn’t qualify for the insurance work offered me because our housekeeping hours got cut drammatically and this past Thursday they layed all of us off until business picked up again. I thought it was all hopeless. I loved my job as a housekeeper more than anything. I loved the people I worked with, the job itself (yes even though I have 2 scrub some toilets and tubs that can be pretty distastful) and the money and tips weren’t bad either. So when I got the boot, if you will, it all seemed hopeless. No more opportunity to go seek help.

So now I’m just going to be using this little blog here to open up. I don’t know exactly who reads this, so if you don’t know me please bear with these entries. If you do know me, welcome to a more in depth look at the thoughts that run through my head.

For the first time in a long time I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I already started looking for other jobs, but with the recession and time of year nobody is really hiring. I sat in my room thursday night feeling just so down and depressed. I just kept asking God why He would do this to me when I’m currently in the process of getting my life back being completely devoted to Him. Why He would take the job I loved so much away from me, especially this time of year. I didn’t understand what exactly I was being punished for.

Maybe all this is just His way of testing me. To see what I would do this time when my world begins to come crashing down. Last time it all came crashing down around me I turned away from Him. Hated Him even. I didn’t know how to feel so I turned my pain into anger and total hate towards God. So now maybe He through this test at me to see how I’m going to handle it. If I’ll throw it all away again or if I’ll do the right thing and seek Him more.

But I do know I won’t turn away fromHim again. I fell from grace and boy oh boy I fell hard. I thought I was doing it all fine on my own, away from Him, but I was wrong. Things only got worse until I was at a point where I was going to give up everything in my life. I got to the point where I didn’t want to live any more. It was too hard. But God saved me through all that.

So maybe this is all just a test. I don’t know but I do know that He won’t let me fall back down that far again. I’m giving this all to Him and trusting he’ll have everything be ok.

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