Exposed!

Posted: December 9, 2009 in Uncategorized

Last night, after six long painful years I finally brought all of my struggles to the surface. It was just time to have everything I battled brought out into the open so someone could begin to help me out. I never thought the time would come where I would have the bravery inside me to sit down with someone I trusted more than anyone in my life, and tell them every single one of my flaws and shortcomings. It’s so liberating.

Knowing that I was obeying what I knew God wanted me to do made this whole “meeting” so much easier. I know He wants to use my testimony to help people and have me stand infront of a crowd of people talking openly about all the dark places I’ve been in, then share with them how His grace and love brought me out of those “ruts” in my life. I asked one time while I was praying how I could make this happen for me, it came to my mind that I needed to start talking about EVERYTHING.

So that’s what I did. Nothing remained hidden in the shadows of my guilt and shame.

Going into it, I was pretty scared. I’m not the most open person, infact I don’t really talk about my feelings of depression and hopelessness to anyone. Last night I conquered some mountain I never thought I could. Through God I held nothing back.

It was Gods perfect time, and person. I put some serious prayer into this whole thing before even setting anything up. I just kept asking Him to put the person I should talk through everything with and only one name kept coming up. So I obeyed and went to them, asked if sometime they wouldn’t mind getting together so I could basically spill my guts to them.

It was freeing somehow. Talking about things that I never even told anyone in my life, knowing it was Gods will on my life at that moment was just surreal. Before we started getting into everything I was so scared. Scared of being judged, scared of being pushed away, scared of them exposing any of this to anyone. By then something awesome happened. We prayed and all my worries just vanished. The time suddenly felt perfect.

Exposing your inner most struggles may be the hardest thing you have to do, but it frees you in a way you never could imagine. Because after it’s all out there, layed on the table,  you have someone who now can keep you accountable for all you told them. They can keep you in prayer and when you find yourself down the road, doesn’t matter how far down the road, struggling once more you have someone to run to and talk to.

I think we all need someone in our life we can expose our pain and struggles to. I said it before and I want to say it again. It’s one of the most freeing things you can ever do for yourself! 🙂 🙂

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