Posted: November 29, 2009 in Uncategorized

So lately I have been beginning to pick up my bible again for the first time in 9 months. I was skimming through it trying to decide where I wanted to begin reading, needless to say I landed on the book of Job. Job endured ginormous tests of faith and still kept strong believing in God.

Each and everyone of us as human beings endure trials in our lives, things that are heartbreaking and even sometimes life changing. These trying times are the moments we must seek God Almighty with all of our hearts. Last weekend I heard Gayle Haggard speak at a womens meeting at our church. I remember her saying that through all the pain and everything she and her husband were treading through, she didn’t find herself hating God or resenting Him. I’ve been finding myself thinking about that fact a lot today. It made me sort of admire this woman’s faith in God.

I want to be honest and open right now with all of you. This year I found myself hating and resenting God. 2009 has been such a trying time in me and my families lives. First in April my grandpa whom I was extremely close to passed away from asbestos cancer on his heart. Then about a month later my Aunt also passed away from breast cancer.

I prayed and prayed and prayed for both of them to be healed, I also had so many other people praying too. I remember when they died I found myself thinking that God ignored my prayers for them, that He had turned His back on my life. I had such an overwhelming sense of grief inside me at that time that I turned that pain into hate towards God.

I now think how stupid of a thing that was to do. Here was Job, who literally lost everything he knew yet he remained faithful to God.
-Job 1:22- In all this Job did not sin by charging God with wrong doing

I lost two close people in my life and I completely walked away from Him. I blamed their deaths on God ignoring my prayers, which I now know was probably the dumbest thing I have ever done. I risked going back on the path that leads my soul to Hell all because of anger. In Ephesians it says to not go to bed angry and to not give the devil a foot hole. Well ladies and gentlemen, I pretty much without realizing it gave the devil a room in my apartment to live in through the amount of anger I had.

I tell you this in hope that you yourself learn from my story. That when something happens that is tragic in your life, you don’t turn that pain into hate towards God. I lost my faith, I lost my way. I would never wish that on anybody, not even my worst enemy.

Jeremiah 3:22- Return faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding. “Yes we will come to you, for you are the Lord our God”.


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